Ever since I..

Salam..

What I want to write in here is not the sign of failure, not the sign of losing hope, what more a sign of regret. No, it is not.

But I want to make it as a thing to ponder. when someday this dream is fulfilled, I will be able to jump high and smile, knowing that my sacrifices and patience are all paid up.

Ever since I dream to lead this path of life, I know there are a lot of obstacles waiting ahead. Indeed, I am facing it right now. I wanted to be strong, but sometimes tears are just refused to listen.

Ever since I drive my dream into reality, I almost gave up when there seems nobody can fulfill it. Even if there are some, I always wanted the best. I failed to look on sincerity, honesty and loyalty that the other party can offer. When I was about to surrender, Allah enlightens me with some hopes. And now, it is this hope that i am striving for.

Ever since I remark this to the most important person in my life, things change a bit, though I don't want it to happen. I expect little argument, of course, but to be abandoned when there are too much to clarify, my heart broke.

Ever since I decide to continue, I know I have to be strong. I need to gain trust and convince them of my choice. Need to be able to define what I meant as 'life' and what responsibilities really mean. A need of push to move forward without having regret for choosing this kind of decision.

I believe Allah will ease everything if I am sincere. If I am doing the right thing. If I am doing because to seek His love and Jannah.

Someone said, "Just do what we can do, and the rest leave to Allah to settle His job".

Pray for this chosen path and may Allah reward us with his blessings.
InsyaAllah.